So, here i am in PA. It seems the main reason for why i wasn't allowed to start seminary this year was because of money. I just hope i can save enough this year to satisfy them... So, I plan on staying here in PA (living rent free) and work (somewhere). Right now i'm doing some painting for the Northumberland Christian School (where my brother-in-law works).
I found a good church here; All Saints in Selingsgrove and i hope they will be willing to help me out....
I'm in the process of finishing my application for postulancy in the Diocese of Quincy; which requires both a medical and psychological evaluation. I met with a psychologist on Friday. He interviewed me and I took a personality test (to see if i'm insane). It was 567 true or false questions. One of my favorites was "True or False: There are many people out to get me." which i was tempted to answer True....;-) Some others were "I wish i was a girl" and "I like to hurt animals" (both i marked False, in case you were wondering).... I have a full medical exam scheduled on Wednesday that i'm not looking forward to.... The psych evaluation cost $225 and who knows what the full damage of the medical will be (it requires some lab work); it must be done but it just makes it more difficult to save if i'm required to spend.
13 comments:
Dear Jeff,
I'm sorry that Natosha house has put you off. I know you must be in pain because of their decision. I understand what you're going through because I went through almost the same thing about 25 years years ago.
I was still a Lutheran and was just finishing by first bachelor's degree. I wanted to be a priest since I was in my early teens. It's the only thing I had ever wanted to do. I went through what passed for the discernment program in the LCA, including the psychological evaluation and interviews with members of the Church Vocations Committee.
One month before receiving my B.A., I met with the committee and Biship Orso. They rejected my application and told me that I wasn't ready for priestly ministry. They told me to come back at a later time if I felt called to do so. I was absolutely devastated.
However, the Church in her wisdom did exactly the right thing for me. With the hindsight that comes from many years to reflect on it, I believe God told me through that rejection that I wasn't ready yet for ordained ministry. I had too much growing and too much living in the secular world to do before I would be ready for priestly ministry. And I have grown - in maturity, in compassion, in wisdom, and in faith.
I won't know until October if the Commission on Ministry and Bishop Rabb will support my petition to become a postulant for Holy Orders. I pray for God's will to be done. However, I know with a certainty that comes not only from faith but from life experience that God calls us into the ministry for which we are prepared at this current time - not in what we think we're ready for. There can be a big difference between the two.
What if Bishop Rabb says, "No"? Well, it wouldn't be the first time I've been thwarted from the way I designed to serve God. It wouldn't be the first time I've mistaken the nature of my call to God's service. If denied postulancy, then I will seek to minister in the circumstances of my life as they are today, not as I wish my life to be.
God is calling you to ministry. Of that there can be no doubt. But what is the ministry? God apparently does not want you in the ordained ministry at this time. Maybe God will want you next year to start seminary. Maybe God will want you to wait, as I have waited, for considerably longer to start seminary. However, never forget that God has called you to a ministrty exactly where you are now. Your ministry will change as you grow, as you move into new circumstances and as your life continues to unfold. But minister you will.
Remember that you are already a priest - as all baptized members of the body of Christ are priests. You can already live out the priestly ministry of the Church in your current circumstances without being ordained. Being a priest is more than wearing vestments and presiding over the administration of the sacraments. A priest is someone who, because he loves Christ, also actively and demonstably loves God's people. A priest is someone who, despite his own brokeness and inadequacies, helps to point the way through the witness of his life to the reconcilation and healing that comes from an ever deepening relationship with our Lord. A priest is a peacemaker who recognizes our unity comes from our love of Christ and our love for our fellow man (the 2 greatest commandments).
Ordination confers certain rights and privileges but it also brings with it many burdens and sacrifices. It's taken me over 20 years to recognize that I wasn't ready for either at the time I first sought postulancy. I will know in a few months if God deems me ready now to be a postulant.
I pray your journey to the fulfillment of whatever ministry God has called you to won't take as long.
Pax et bonum,
Ed Schneider, TSSF
That's expensive to find out that you don't like to hurt animals. Sheeesh. Why don't they just toss you a gerbil and see what happens? It would be way cheaper. No, I know... hoops to jump through, etc.
Anyway, keep us posted on fund raising, etc. How much did you say was full tuition and room & board for the however many years?
Brother G.
Nashotah costs $27,000 (everything incl.) per year (a MDiv is three years).
I can sympathize with Ed in a way. I finished seminary - actually left early and took an M.A. instead of an M.Div. In retrospect I see that I would not have been ready to be a priest at the time.
Anyway, a lot can happen in a year, so keep your eyes on the Lord Jesus Christ and serve Him where He's placed you for now. "He who is faithful with little things shall be given charge over great things."
I took that same test Jeff, and was tempted to respond to the questions the same way...Afterward my therapist told me that I was very balanced...I could have told him that!
So, even though you are camped in PA for the next year, I do hope you'll make it down to my parties :D I'll keep you posted on that.
Jeff,
I feel your pain (sort of). Let us know how All Saints is. That's my old diocese. I have friends in Selinsgrove but I think they go to church in Lewisburg of all places! :-)
By the way, your sidebar radio links... very cool.
Good job.
Is there a way to contact you off-site, Jeff? I am very sorry to hear about this.
you can reach me at jeffbaus@hotmail.com.
Although i was disappointed at first... (i mean i wish someone had told me that i needed a certain amount before applying... with loans i could have paid for the first year at least) their answer was more of a "wait" then a "no." cheers
"...toss you a gerbil..." Greg cracks me up.
I have walked where you have walked.
I went through the system in another country(Church in Wales)where having just commpleted a degree & masters I have told I need more "Real Life Experience", even though i had given up a career to go to university. I never went back & then found myself as a Chaplain in this country.I am now trying to be accepted by Quincy while living in Southern California.
I have already been to seminary. Here is an idea, ask about going to the UK, especially Mirfield College of Resurrection near Leeds, Yorkshire,England. They are the only true Anglo-catholic Seminary.They good as, if not better than Natoshah & cheaper!! I think the cost is about $3000 per year,but it maybe twice that much for Americans. Google the website.
Do Quincy expect you to pay for Seminary, do they not help? If that is the case you should be able to go to the cheapest, maybe do it part-time with a school of minstry.
I have been in the Quincy system & I do not live in the Diocese, but in california.
I was asked to have a pych Eval at a cost of $650! That with the cost of airfare for myself, plus my wife as they wanted to talk to her as well & I then needed to pay for my 3 year son's full airfare, plus the cost of a hotel, as the seminary were not willing to offer anything & finally the taxi to the seminary.
My thought is; this is not about vocation, but money! Does this mean that if you do not have the money, God is not calling you?
In the Business world, their williness of them to pay, proves to you that they are serious about you.
Another thought is; If you are not recommended, does that mean you get your money back?
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